five minutes to save the world

for me,
my world is crumbling.
between headaches, lack of desire of food, lack of concentration.. yada yada yada.
I know why.
But I don't know if I want to fix the problem.
If the problem is a problem
It's one because I made it one.
My head.
My interpretation.
My problems..
Right now, there's only one.
Exes
To convince myself that everything's okay (like I know it is) and to get rid of this actual physical headache..
I must remember:
that was hs
they were both different
look wise and personality
that was almost 3 years ago
idk her
he doesn't have anymore feelings
she definitely doesn't either
ive got him
she has someone else
they have memories and thats all
she was pretty, i am pretty
she didnt smile, i do
why does this past thing bother me so?
cause he felt for her so much
she was his first love, he was maybe hers
he is my first love
im not his, but i am his love.
i just want him to love me the most, like i love him the most.
he says im not fair, hes not fair.
thats it! thats the conclusion.
i dont want to love anyone more than they love me.
i dont want to be heartbroken.
i dont want to quit to early either.
i want love security and nature.. i can have it all with many people
but i want him and i want him to want me
i dont want him to think of anyone else (from the past) cause i won't be.
...
...
...
...
its figured out
things should be different
i dont want to make him think of her by things we do, listen to, see, say, or anything.
i hate the past