Leaving on a jet plane

 

words straight from Vietnam!

wrote all this while there. was sucha tough trip. emotional. missed my newfound glory. missed him so bad. couldnt figure out how i felt about my friends. felt so much appreciation for those at home supporting me doing this. love my family. cried about a lot. worried about $$ too much. Maybe it was the food?

Jack

its amazing how much one can miss and love

and really experience all those feelings

for jujst one person

for such a while

constanl\tly, indefinitely

and wow, when those feelings are shared.

a mysterious mutual connection

hope it never leaves

but fear is not felt, or considered

because living in the present day is how we function                              

following the days path is the only path we see

foreign is another word for veering

the typical necessities are no longer needed

you realize and thrive using what you only need

going steady

taking our time

but not going slow at all

~don't let me down- reminiscing~

thinking to myself

encouraging myself

reminding myself

to get through this life

to do so, happily- sanely

we must be independent

not relying on others

no reliance but self.

Last summer

she's like dawn

anger is the devil

shrills from such a sweethearts mouth

never let me sound so evil

or make anyone feel so small

or look so vicious, so malevolent.

Won't let me down.

We are so fragile.

The typical teen mind needs to expand

Quick! Be conscious! Care!

i used to feel dead. nonexistant

it's amazing to realize the differences between now and then

my present being

i am not happy, but i am real

my existance is substantial!

• home --~~-----~~~----~~~~--> Amerixxxa!

homeward bound      just the thought brings me closer to happy    peace of mind      serenity
ive tried my hand with music making    ive read my share of books   the culture shock has  come            ive tasted all the cooks     so done           ready to fly     sett~~~meee!! free <^^                                               



i hate how i feel. how my body acts. being sad. i know i simply gotta change my mind. pretend to be something for long enough and maybe youll become it. like happy.. maybe. hopefully. ive done it. it workded. not today. i dont want to be happy. let me be me. theyll take the emotion too far.. dont want a sidekick. want a complementary angle to my 30 degree okat SOM.

CANT TRY W/O SOME HOPE

where is the hope? in the heat

heard too much hopelessness

the world is fucked

(we all are.)

no

shouldnt focus on the world

should start smaller

all or nothing for though

does that make me an extremist?

cant.. change..the world...

or.. anything

starfish on the rocks

alone,dry. idle

being idle. simply sitting

the is sweet satisfaction in the lack of motion

breathing only

thats enough to feel alive

no need for adrenaline

thoughts are powerful enough to move anythiing

DAMNED WORDS

dont want u to feel obligated

i sure dont

im sorry

hate to be repetitive

want it to be special

if it is, then it will be

i talk too much. blabber. thnk too much. ponder.

i hate that.

just want to hold onto this.

risks make me crazy

.......................andMONEY

dont every have to do anything

might die at any time

ive worked a lot for this

saving up for what?

you can make more

itll be ok!

just despise this awareness

call me Scrooge

want to be happy

so dumb. maybe funny that i have it. money--

just dont know what to do with it yet

Risks in that aspect are too risky

S T O M A C H    P A I N S

worse than back pains

you can see this

the repulsive lumps about to form

i can feel it pulsate

the fat is gathering..

itll never go away

it wont

cant eat this

must try that

should eat that

no! stop! stop!

just do it.. you're fine.. mmm.. yeah..yum.

cant

must

dont want to be rude

cant wait to be alone

have no pressure, be in control, ill be skinny forever

                       W~A~I~T~I~N~G for N~O~T~H~I~N~G

                       from lonely to lonelier

                       house full of nothing to something

                       the something doesnt care

          awaiting presence         just to be ignored. rejected

                  might as well be the one. the careless bitch

first the worst

    listening intently

       jumping at every sound

          door swings open

                  bodies frolick in

i am invisible

my eyes. my heart. no connections

thinking.headaches.anxiety.energy.

my spirit must be strong. my mind is not in control.

convince, convince.

thankful for deja vu. thatkful for feelings of certainty.

take the middle path.be aware, be okay

be be be!

buzz like a bee

be free~~~~~

SEX*DRUGS*ATTENTION*GRIME

THE THINGS SET UP TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD AND ASHAMED

LIKE YOU SHOULD BE SECRETIVE. OF ONLY THE WORLD WOULD BE QUIET.

NOTHIGN IS ANYTHING. NOT W/O SOMEONE MAKING IT SOMWETHING

LETS MAKE EVERYTHING NOTHING. LETS HAVE FUN. LETS NOT CARE.

YOU BE MY ONE AND ILL BE YOURS. THE ONE WHO ALSO DOESNT CARE.

ATTACHING FALSE MEANING JUST LEADS TO DISAPPOINTMENT.

YOU DONT HAVE TO TRUST ME, JUST TRUST THAT I DONT CARE EITHER WAY

LIKE PORK AND BEANS

PEOPLE

THEY ARE SO STRANGE

THAT WORD.. IT JUST MEANS DIFFERENT

FEELINGS SCHMEELINGS

WE LIVE, WE DIE

NOTHING REALLY MATTERS

ALMOST FAMOUS

WHAT A GOOD MOVIE

TO FEEL ADN TO BE

TO WANT AND TO GET

IDEAS LEAD TO HOPE

WHATS THE POINT OF BEING KNOWN?

OF INFLUENCING OTHERS? BEING CARED FOR BY MANY?

ITS STILL SUCH A STERUGGLE TO FIND GOOD PEOPLE.

I STILL THINK I MAY BE SUITABLE

ID LIKE FOR MANY TO READ THIS

TO GAIN SOMETHING FROM THESE FEELINGFULL WORDS

FROM MY EXPERIENCES

KEEP ON WITH THE KEEPING ON! GIVE ME MEANING!

PERFECT

so common in my vocabulary

so uncommon in real life

maybe impossible

maybe nonexistant

if its really how it feels

then let it be so

ViEtNaM

the traveling sorrow

its not lonesomeness

its my company

being stuck with people

short of options

nothign but some books

nothing but these words